The Lobster, Considered (Then Eaten)

Lobsters. Spiders of the sea. Bottom-dwelling bugs whose flesh requires an array of tools and a healthy supply of brute force to access. When you think about it, they seem an unlikely candidate as a luxury foodstuff, and, as David Foster Wallace pointed out in his 2004 essay Consider the Lobster, they were originally considered a cheap and plentiful source of protein for the poor.

Now, of course, they're for special occasions and seaside treats.  Or, if you have a couple friends who are willing to pitch in some cash for your crustaceans, backyard dinner parties.

A girlfriend requested lobster rolls after seeing my prior post about Rhode Island: soft, top-sliced buns stuffed with a mixture of lobster meat, mayo, and green onions.  Here in central Ohio, we have a surprisingly large number of lobster purveyors, including The Fish Guys at The North Market, and The Lobstah Shack in Mt. Vernon...someplace I've not had the opportunity to try, but have been informed is nothing short of an exceptional place to pick up lobsters that have been personally driven in from Maine by Shack owner Brett Fletcher.

Since a trip to Knox County wasn't in the cards for us this time around, The Fish Guys were our guys, recommending a couple pounds of shelled, cooked lobster meat for the rolls.  For extra lobster fun, we picked up a live one as well, and brought him (her?) home in a Styrofoam box.

The salad itself was extremely easy to throw together: lobster, just enough mayo to hold it together, some Old Bay seasoning, and chopped green onions.  Some salt and pepper to taste and then into the fridge to let the flavors meld.

We buttered the buns and toasted them on a grill, lined them with some bibb lettuce and stuffed them with the lobster and voila--we're were transported to the East Coast, listening to seagulls cry and watching the waves crash on the beach.  ...Or maybe that was the sound of sirens the police helicopter on the Southside.


The second half of our lobster duo required a little more work.  And a little more guts.  There's not many   foods out there that you kill in your kitchen, claws snapping and legs moving, dropped in a pot of steam and boiling water.  It had been since college since I'd done a proper lobster boil, and ocean spider or not, there was a moment of realized mortality when I dropped him into his steam bath.

Fifteen minutes or so later, he came out, bright red and ready for dis-assembly.   Unfortunately, I realized at the last second that I do not own any of the necessary tools for lobster deconstruction. Fortunately, a ransacking of the utensil drawer produced an array of implements that could act as crackers, wackers, and pokers. The lobster was quickly taken apart and passed around, dipped in butter and lemon juice, shells and other pieces scattered around the table, a delicious victim of rather enthusiastic bludgeoning-by-ice-cream-scoop.

If you now find yourself craving a lobster roll, you're in luck: The Hills Market is holding their summer Lobster Days for the next several Saturdays.  Call them to reserve a seating and enjoy a little bit of Maine right here in Columbus.

And if you're in the mood for cooking your own, I'm more than happy to offer my services to help you dispatch them.  Just save me a claw.