Life Lessons From Anthony Bourdain

"I have long believed that it is only right and appropriate that before one sleeps with someone, one should be able--if called upon to do so--to make them a proper omelet in the morning."

...Thus begins Anthony Bourdain's list of Things Everyone Should Know How to Make. I'm just about wrapping up his latest book, Medium Raw: A Bloody Valentine to the World of Food and the People Who Cook, and you know, I think he's dead on with this one.

Chances are, you know Anthony Bourdain. You've most likely watched No Reservations on the Travel Channel, and you possibly also read his first memoir, Kitchen Confidential. Maybe you even saw his lecture when he came through on tour last year. You may or may not agree with a lot of what Bourdain says...he's crass, strongly opinionated, and did manage to annoy at least few Columbus foodies during his recent stop in Columbus for a short No Reservations piece.

I, frankly, love the man. I enjoy his self-deprecating humor, his penchant for profanity, and his unabashed obsession for food. Medium Raw shows us a slightly more grounded Bourdain--one that is more concerned about the power of Ronald McDonald over his daughter's dietary habits, rather than where he might be getting his next hit of coke. He's a cleaner (of drugs, but not, thankfully, vocabulary), wiser Bourdain, but still has choice words for certain chefs, Alice Waters (whom he doesn't really consider a chef), and the meat-packing industry.

...but back to the original line of this post. Bourdain's chapter entitled "Virtue" argues that learning to cook should be a part of our youthful education, much like the Presidential Physical Fitness Programs tried to instill in us an enthusiasm for, well, chin-ups...(ok, bad example.) He's not looking to go back to a home-ec/women-in-the-kitchen mentality, but to make having a basic level of comfort in a kitchen just another component of being a well-rounded human being.

I LIKE it! Cooking can be a little challenging, but also fun, messy, exciting, romantic, maybe even sexy. (And who doesn't love ALL of those things?!?!) Besides, his list isn't impossible to teach: make a basic vinaigrette. Steam shellfish. Braise a big piece of meat. Make mashed potatoes--from scratch. Roast a chicken.

These may seem basic, but I can personally attest that there are folks out there that don't have these skills...but it's not to late to learn. With that in mind, here's how I roasted a chicken the other night. This is loosely based on the "Quick Roast Chicken" recipe from those fine experimenters over at Cook's Illustrated. Also don't freak out, but there is hacking involved.

Basic Roast Chicken

Ingredients:

One whole chicken

Butter

Salt & Pepper

Any other seasoning you may want to use--a spice mix, herb mix, maybe a sliced up lemon?

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 450 and spray a large baking dish with non-stick spray (or coat it in butter)

Take your chicken out of its package, pull the bag of giblets out of the inside and give the whole thing a good rinse and pat dry with paper towels.

Place the chicken breast-side down (you DO know where the breasts are, right?) and with the drumsticks pointing toward you. Take the biggest, sharpest knife you have, or if you're lucky (I'm not), poultry shears. Cut/hack down the length of the chicken's back along one side of the backbone (you're not actually cutting the backbone, you're just detaching it from the little rib bones). At this point, you should be exalting in the sound of crunching dominance over your upcoming meal--this is primal, aggressive stuff! Repeat this same cut on the other side of the backbone. You should be able to remove the backbone at this point--I tossed it in the pan when I roasted the chicken, to use for stock later. Flip the bird over and press down on the breasts to help flatten it out.

Take the butter, hopefully a little soft, and rub it all over the chicken. You can also stuff some butter in between the skin and the meat of the breasts--just pull the skin up and slide your fingers underneath to loosen it up. Liberally salt and pepper the whole thing, (or use whatever seasonings you've picked out) making sure to also season the cavity/non-breast side.

Place the chicken in the pan, breast side up, and slide into the oven. You'll want to cook it until the temperature at the meatiest part gets to 160 degrees. I set my timer for 45 minutes at first, to see how it was looking and make sure the skin was getting crispy without getting burnt. I think I ended up cooking it for another 20 minutes, covering it with foil for the last 15 or so.

When you've reached 160, pull the chicken out of the oven, wrap in foil, and let him rest for about 15 minutes. You should have moist, tender meat with crispy, seasoned skin, and enough food to get you through a couple of meals. Strain the accumulated juices into a measuring cup and skim/pour the fat off the top....instant au jus!

If you're feeling particularly responsible, strip off any leftover meat from the bones and freeze them in a Ziploc bag. Once you have a decent size bag o' bones, you can throw them in a pot of water with an onion, a couple of carrots, and some celery stalks and make a basic stock.

If you try this a couple of times, you'll figure out what works best for you and your oven, then can get more elaborate with pre-brining the bird, or stuffing it with compound butters. At that point, you can invite over your friends and loved ones and impress them with your culinary skills. (And make Mr. Bourdain feel a little bit better about the state of our modern world.)